4-Chloro-1λ3,2λ3,3λ3-trichlorinane
30 x 400mg. Continuous use daily will
slowly turn you into Ant and Dec.
£49.99, use once a day.

4-Cyclohexyl-1,3-diphosphinine
90 x 1.2g. Makes all the blood in your
body evaporate through your skin.
£79.99, Ingest twice a day with food.

1,2,4-Oxazaphospholidin-3-amine
1 x 670mg. One use instantly melts your
skeleton so you can traverse drains.
£14.99, single pill.

2-Methylidenehydrazin-1-ol
120 x 2mg. Swaps salty and sweet tastes
and makes urine taste good.
£29.99, once daily with food.

2,3-Didehydrobromiren-1-ium
2 x 1000mg. Take the first to enter hell
and the second to return to earth.
£49.99, fast for 2 hours beforehand.

1-(prop-1-en-2-yl)Difluoran-1-ium
15 x 14mg. Creates blister lumps all over
body that produce money when popped.
£12.99, One per hour.

1-Hydroxyoxiren-1-ium
100 x 2mg. Changes eye colour to
whatever you're thinking at the time.
£54.99, Take with milk.

Ethenyl(methyl)chloranium
5 x 1.2g. Makes your dad double
in height overnight.
£19.99, break in half and swallow both.

[(methylperoxy)methyl]hydrazine
30 x 200mg. Generates life size cutout
of 3 random celebrities.
£149.99, "James Corden" Can't be used.

1,6,7-trioxabicyclo[3.2.0]heptan-1-ium
16 x 50μg. Emit toxic fumes from nose
for 3 hours.
£9.99, swallow dry.